Weekly Wrap Up #3

Hi Friends!
This week has flown by faster than usual and there's an electricity in the air that can only mean one thing. This world is still a little crazy and there's still unprecedented things that need our attention AND let's make sure we're keeping our eyes open for the beautiful and sane parts of this world too. Here's what I've been paying attention to this week: 

Speaking of unprecedented, Alex Honnald accomplished the greatest feat of rock climbing in history this week. His interview talks about taking it seriously, being prepared, trusting yourself, and staying calm. All around good advice for life, no? 

Some more great life advice: Get enough sleep and be aware of what you put in your Mind Garden. (I know Mind Garden sounds bonkers weird, but I'm gonna embrace it here so go with it.) What can you water? What can you prune? 

How to Throw an Alter-Ego Party: I am all in with this idea and am scheming names and outfits for myself already. 

New (Old) fossils alter the history of our species: A nice reminder that nothing we know is set in stone (pun absolutely intended) and that we have to be flexible enough to change our views when faced with new information. 

Eddie the Butterfly: "I believe maybe if I learn enough small things I can change a lot of big things."

The right way to be introspective: Ask yourself not Why? but What? and you'll stay more curious and open to the answers you find. 

The 36 questions that lead to love: I've got some road trips in mind for the coming months and I'm seriously considering printing this list out and just taping it to my dashboard for my co-pilots to answer in between pit stops.  

That's all for now, friends. What have you got planned for the summer? Any fun trips? Any big goals? Tell me all about them in the comments. Until next week: have fun, be safe, and love on each other. 

Alix 

Weekly Wrap Up #2

Hello Friends!

This week has been full of work phone calls at 7:30 am, Sherlock watching until 11:00 pm, and some emergency dental work for my husband to keep us all on our toes and to remind me that my tribe is resilient, supportive, flexible, and amazing. I'm at the beach this weekend, soaking up some sunshine and relishing in the lack of schedules. Here's what I've been reading and/or re-reading this week. 

Childbirth absolutely changed the way I orgasm: A great reminder that self discovery can come in surprising places.

A snack tray to gather the family around: "'Snack Tray' quickly became a cheerful, wordless conversation about who we wanted to be in the world and how we wanted that world to be." A love story set around a low snack table and new rituals. This story reminds me of my parents who could be found, every once in a while, on a random quiet Thursday night, drinking great scotch and Ruffles potato chips together. It always struck me as the classiest and most down to earth combination, simultaneously, and is a combination I aspire to embody to this day. I swear, it just screams "LOVE" to me. I can't explain it and I don't even want to. 

November 30: I read this when Molly first wrote it in November and I've gone back and reread it too many times to count. When I need a reminder of what courage, acceptance, hope, and curiosity look like, I turn here. 

My boyfriend weighs less than I do: "Now, I know real love makes room for you to love yourself the way you are, and the way you want to be." May we all find this love within ourselves and within our People. 

The Journey: "The stars began to burn through the sheet of clouds, and there was a new voice" 

White women drive me crazy: This might be an uncomfortable read AND it's an important one.

Meet the woman who turned Anthony Bourdain into a TV star: Using the skills you've already got to create the work that fills your soul. I'm all about it. 

That's all for now, friends, have an amazing weekend, take care of yourselves and each other, and thanks for being here with me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a sudden craving for scotch and potato chips...

Alix 

Weekly Wrap Up #1

Hi friends! 
Portland is having a pretty awesome week of hot days, cool nights, and tons of sunshine and I'm soaking up as much of it as possible. Here's what I've been reading this week, in between stints of driving around town with my windows rolled down and focusing intently on my tan lines #realtalk

Why self compassion works better than self esteem: Let’s all jump on the self-compassion wagon and treat ourselves the way we would treat a dear friend. Wouldn’t that make life’s ups and downs more tolerable?

Practicing the subtle art of detachment: Let’s check in about how tightly we’re holding on to our stuff, our relationships, and our thoughts. And how adorable is the emotional baggage cartoon? I’ll be thinking about those the next time I get too attached to a past experience.

Humor - New Releases: Are you reading anything funny right now? In these...stressful times, it's important to find things that make you laugh. This is Just My Face and One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter are on my summer To-Read list.

Dedications: Because even the alphabet is precious

Make a little birdhouse in your soul: This piece gutted me in the best of ways. Real and vulnerable and questioning and moving and evolving. The story is different from mine but the feelings are universal. 

The question of being alone: Another beautiful story. I love being reminded that there are a million ways to exist in this crazy, wonderful, world. 

Rewards that aren't food or shopping: Let's add a side of self-care to that self-compassion we're working on. 10, 11, 13, and 16 are all on my list for this weekend. What's on yours? 

Enjoy this weekend, lovelies! I'll be back next week with another wrap up. In the mean time, what are you loving these days? What's making you think? 
Take care, do something that makes you happy today.

Alix



 

Hello Hi Hey

I woke up in a grumpy mood this morning. I’ve been rubbing against a small irritation between my husband and I for a while; one of those little things that pops up every so often that I could easily choose to ignore but instead, I let it take up space. I choose to rub it against hard surfaces in my brain. Give it a scratch here and there. Make it come to the surface and make itself known. It’s no more than a little itch but I’ve made it into a damn rash in my brain.

I was ready to be grumpy all day; had resigned myself to feeling a little angry and a little distant. Scratching the itch this morning, I said hello to it. “Here we are again, aren’t we? Well, let’s get on with it then; slog through the familiar frustration and get on with my day.”

Sometimes inspiration comes in unexpected places, doesn’t it? Sometimes you can hear something one hundred times and then, suddenly, on that 101st listen, something clicks that changes your attitude and your outlook. This song came on as I was scratching.

Now, the whole song is great and always lightens my mood a little bit but these lyrics jumped out at me this time; they are so simple and so powerful. “I never hold a grudge cause Love is the way. Hello hi hey”.

Love is the way.

Love IS the way.

Love is the way.

Just say that to yourself a few times and see if it doesn’t melt some stiffness away. Doesn’t that feel good?

I said it to myself over and over. I felt the itch lose some of its sting. And then I sent a simple, loving, text to my husband just thanking him for being the amazing person and partner that he is. *love is the way* The sides of that irritation started smoothing out. Then he sent one back: a sweet, loving, message of gratitude and happiness. What was I itching, again?

And just like that, it was gone; pushed out of the way by love and connection and gratitude.

Where are you stiff today? Where are you itchy? Think about this quote and see if it can be a salve for those painful spots. Remember, love is the way, hello hi hey.

xo

Taking it off the shelf

Letting go of habits is hard. Even when you’re finished with them and you know they no longer serve you in a positive way, letting go is hard.

Those cigarettes breaks you’ve been taking with your coworkers every day for ten years? If you quit, where will you get your social interaction if not around the ash tray?

Those late night drinks that make you feel great at the time but make you feel shitty the next day? What will you do to fill your evenings if you’re not at the bar?

Those coffee dates with your girlfriends where you all bitch about your thighs or your job? What will you talk about instead?

See, here’s the thing. We’ve been holding on to these habits for so long that we think they are a part of us. We think smoking and drinking and talking bad about ourselves is just who we are. I mean, we’ve put thousands of hours in to these habits and, dammit, even if they’re bad for us, they’re part of our identity. Even if you never meant to talk critically to yourself. Even if you didn’t intend to spend every night after work on the couch watching Netflix in your pajamas. Now those actions are part of the story you tell yourself and others. You’ve woven these bad habits in to the tapestry of your character. You’ve connected this random assortment of actions to your very being. You’ve identified yourself as these things: I’m a smoker. I’m not a gym person. But you’re wrong.

You are none of these things.

Your identity isn’t tied up in a pretty little bow. It’s not a static thing that can be defined once and then placed on a shelf to be viewed, admired, and contemplated from a distance. Identity is messy and vibrant and constantly changing.

So let go. What part of the story you tell yourself no longer positively serves you? Take it down from the shelf, dust it off, look it over, maybe even say Thank You to it for helping you when you needed it.

Then throw it away.

Let it go.

Why I say "Thank you" when someone insults me

I was told yesterday that I’m too intense and that I talk too much. These are not new concepts or terms for me but they are ones that I haven’t heard in a while, ones that I haven’t thought of recently. I’ve surrounded myself with people that “get” me and by people that enjoy my company and that I feel good being around. When I was reminded that that’s not always the case it made my cheeks sting and my breath catch in my chest. So I thought about it for a bit and I went to bed with a bruised ego and a kind of heaviness in my stomach but the next morning, in light of the new day, I could say “Thank you” to that person for a few things.

1: Reminding me why I choose to hang out with the people I do. The ones that love me unconditionally, that get energized from being in my presence? They make me feel good and I make them feel good and that’s a win/win for everybody. That's something I want to foster. Those are the people that I want to spend my time with, not with people that don’t appreciate my gifts or think I’m too much. Too Much. There it is. That’s the Gremlin, isn’t it?

2: Being reminded that I’m not perfect and that there are people that don’t like me gives me a chance to practice one of my core beliefs which is that “What other people think of me is none of my business” and their thoughts and feelings about me don’t get to and don’t need to affect me. The instant I heard those "too much" words, I forgot that. This is a practice that I will continuously come back to so I said "Thank you" to this person for reminding me that I still have much to practice.

3: Finally, and this is the biggest one I think. I said "Thank you" because it sheds light on my shadows. And it sheds light on the places where I still need to do work for myself. Not because anybody else doesn’t like me. Not because I’m too much or too big or too anything for anybody else. I need to work on this because it still bothers me. And if it didn’t bother me than it wouldn’t affect me. If there’s not a button to push, the button can’t be pushed. Worrying about what people think of me is an energy suck. It’s not where I want to put my energy and it’s not how I want to live my life. Allowing a practical stranger’s opinion of me affect my daily life means I’m not living my authentic life; I’m living my life through someone else’s eyes and that’s a half-life. That’s not what I want. That’s not what I deserve. That’s not what anybody deserves.

So I say "Thank you" for reminding me of my tribe, for reminding me that I get to work on not caring what other people think about me and reminding me that I have Gremlins that still need to be flushed out.

What can you say “Thank you” for, today?