Hello Friends,
I'm back after two weeks of slow brain healing and, holy guacamole, what a week to come back and have conversations.
I think this week's theme is going to be about finding the positives and looking for the good (while totally acknowledging that stuff is bad and hard, too) and I want to start with a personal story.
The concussion I sustained a few weeks ago put me through the proverbial ringer. I felt foggy and low energy for a few days after I hit my head but didn't think much of it. When I noticed I couldn't concentrate on walking across the room AND listening to a podcast at the same time and when I realized I couldn't remember most of what I had done that afternoon, I connected the dots and put myself to bed (at 7 pm). For the next 36 hours I did nothing. I couldn't look at a screen or a book without my head hurting. Noises other than the white noise from my fan agitated me. My heart rate stayed around 90bpm which made me incredibly anxious and putting sentences together took more energy than I was interested in using. So when I said I did nothing, I mean it. I ate food that my amazing husband made me with my eyes closed and I laid in bed with an eye mask on. And that's it. For 36 hours. I slept at night and dozed here and there throughout the day but, for the most part, I just lay still and silent. Friends, I've never taken that much intentional quiet time in my life and, even though it was forced on me, it was AMAZING. I've slowly come out of that caccooning time feeling more grounded and in tune with myself than I have in a long time.
My brain isn't 100% back to normal; reading still gives me a headache after a while and listening to music and podcasts still feels overstimulating so I'm just not doing those things. I've given myself permission to ease back into "normal" and also permission to evaluate what was and wasn't working for me pre-concussion. Having constant stimulation from music, podcasts, Netflix, books, and people wasn't working for me so I'm creating intentional silence every day now. And I have the concussion to thank for that positive change.
Okay, let's jump in to some of the other crazy that's happening in our world/country right now:
Vice created a documentary that is hard to watch and really necessary. There's a name for this. It's white supremacy and it needs to be called what it is in plain language.
But there's a place for some optimism here, too. This inhumane and indefensible rally woke some people up (yes, it's 150 years late and all of us white people should stop clutching our pearls in disbelief that these views still exist but I'm looking for ONE positive, so bear with me) and those people are calling for some changes. It's slow, it's waaaaaaay overdue, AND it's progress.
Because I've taken a full extra week to put this short list together, This awe inspiring thing happened this week. Nature brings people together and reminds us all of our innate sameness; the wonder on my face is mirrored in yours. I hope we can remember these fleeting moments and find joy in recognizing our shared lived experiences.
This poem has been on my mind recently. My body craves wet grass or cold running rivers and the smell of warm sage. Where does your body find solace when it's weary?
“The Peace of Wild Things
by
Wendell Berry
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives might be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
From The Selected Poems of Wendell Berry (Counterpoint, 1999),”
Thanks for your patience as I mend. I'm looking forward to being back here regularly again.
Have fun, be safe, and love on one another.
Alix